


To Belong

by Raine_N



Series: One Shots for Your Soul [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, I'm sorry but I'm feeling a lot of shit these days, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 14:57:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10924194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raine_N/pseuds/Raine_N
Summary: The feeling of not belonging is unfamiliar to Jun, and still he relates so much to it's description.





	To Belong

The feeling of not belonging is quite the worst feeling out there. There is no place where you feel like you can be completely yourself, because you're afraid people might tease you for it. The people around you are usually not worthy of your trust, and if they are, there is still this major (or minor) thing that somehow creates a gap just big enough so you can still talk to eachother, but if you both stand on your end of the gap, the distance was so that the fingers could nearly touch each other if you both reach out as far as possible, but still, there is no real contact.

Jun isn't really sure if that's what he feels. The description of it seemed very close to what he felt, too close, except for one thing: he had friends, who care about him, and whose fingers he can touch, so to speak. 

There was Jeonghan, who always seemed like he didn't care and who took his jokes a little far sometimes, but who had told Jun in secret that he would cry at his funeral if he died.

There was Joshua, the caring angel from heaven who always cared, and always listened, no matter what. He was also the one to tell Jeonghan to stop if he went to far, if he didn't find the joke funny himself.

There was Jihoon, the quiet kid who had tried to murder him with a guitar once, but apologized after and they had been friends ever since. Jun had told the small boy way too much about himself, and though the little devil would tease him about it, he would also listen if it was really serious, and he'd give awesome advice, for which Jun was always thankful. 

There was Mingyu, the gigantic buffoon with a killer grin and a gigantic fanbase in the school everyone attended, who always seemed to tease anyone who came anywhere near close to his friend list, and Jun wasn't sure why he put up with him, but he was also strangely attached to the boy.

And, to save the most important one for last, there was Minghao. Minghao was his best friend, his bro, the one he shared everything with, the single person he would trust with his life, though the tinier male had a sharp tongue and some rough edges. Minghao also shared a lot with him, and the mutual trust was so strong, a house could be built on it.

Jeonghan and Joshua were always together, and when they started dating (much to the dismay of Seungcheol from History, who had had a major crush on Joshua, and all of Jeonghan's fangirls), it became even worse. The only upside to their relationship for Jun was, that Jeonghan was being influenced by Joshua, and his jokes were taken less far than before.

Jun was often teased. For his confidence, for his fuck-it-all attitude, for the fact that he always managed to pick a fight with that Changkyun kid from Science (he didn't even know what the other wanted from him, but it was hate at first sight with the two, and Changkyun had given him really good reasons to punch his face over the last year), for the fact that he didn't hide his opinion, for the fact that he always seemed to be talking about something, and he always knew something (like a random fact no-one cares about) the others didn't.

He understood why the others felt exasperated by him sometimes, as he sometimes looked at himself and thought: "you're a fucking idiot" as well (when he dropped his pencil case for the umpteenth time that day and instead of picking it up he just stared at it in disappointment, for example), but he didn't understand everyone's eagerness to show it to him.

When he was making a comment about his PE teacher complaining about the attire of some students, Jihoon once just reached up to cover his mouth. He tried to talk through it, but Jihoon just turned to the guy next to him, Soonyoung or something, and started talking to him. Usually, Jun would deal with the situation by throwing an annoyed look at him, but inside, it stung.

He was talking to Mingyu during lunch, who wasn't teasing him for once, and he was trying to make stupid jokes, but every time he came near an appropriate moment to make one, Minghao just hit him. When he asked why, Minghao just told him that no-one likes his stupid jokes. Jun would just roll his eyes at him, but inside he kept wondering why he got hit, when everyone was dying inside because of Jeonghan's sexual innuendos, but no-one scolded him for it, even less hit him for it.

His friends weren't the nicest, but they could be nice sometimes. Minghao gladly talked to Jun about new games or a new book, or an idol group he had found, and the two of them together were almost always just nice to each other. The jokes were never taken too far, and the tone was light. So why, when all of them were together, did Minghao act so mean?

Jeonghan was his drinking buddy, and every time two got together, Jeonghan would tell him how much he liked spending time alone with Jun, and the two would laugh about silly things until they were so drunk they had to be brought to bed by their respective guardian (most of the time Joshua, who was incredibly patient, but sometimes Minghao, who looked at Jun with a soft look in his eyes that Jun had forgotten every time morning came). So why, when all of them were together, did Jeonghan make such mean jokes about the way he carried himself?

Jihoon was his favorite buddy for music. Jun adored music, and Jihoon enjoyed composing music, and every time the two were together, the two would spend hours trying to make the perfect tune for something or another, and Jun would even ask him for music for any dance-related things he did, because he looked up to the other male. They got along perfectly fine, and they talked about things ranging from the bass that was a bit too heavy in an unfinished piece, to what Jihoon's grandmother had put in the cookies for his cousin. So why, when they were with others, did Jihoon ignore him so often?

He was used to Mingyu teasing him, as the other usually found any excuse to insult him, but he couldn't stand it when the other insulted what he was wearing. Though he admitted his sense of fashion wasn't the best, he also knew that sometimes, he had trouble getting through the night, and mornings were a bitch in general, so his clothes were not the first thing he cared about when he got out of bed. All he wished for Mingyu was to think of such things sometimes, before starting to insult his color-coordination, but then again, he didn't tell Mingyu such things either, so it wasn't his fault. But that didn't make him feel less bad at all. Why couldn't Mingyu just be a little considerate sometimes?

Joshua was almost always nice, stopping Jeonghan from going too far, everywhere and anywhere. But sometimes even the saint also had a good laugh when Jeonghan said something mean to him, and then there was practically no-one left to save him from the sting. Those times might have been the ones to hurt the most, because Jeonghan didn't hold back those times, and his inner bitch showed it's true colors. Jun understood too that Jeonghan was funny, sometimes, but Joshua was his only hope for some kind of shelter from feeling insulted too much, so when he laughed, it stung that much more. Why couldn't Joshua see the fakeness of the laugh he used to laugh all of the "jokes" off?

Sometimes, Jun wondered if they cared about him. Then, everyone would do something, and there'd be no doubt that they care about him. But then, he still didn't understand why they all treated him like that. 

Sometimes, he wondered if it was his fault. At such times he'd start summing up his less good qualities, the things people could find annoying, and all bad things about his looks. He'd make himself feel sick, and the feeling could stick to his brain for several days. 

He wondered if he wasn't good enough.

He'd never admit it, but he'd stayed home from school before because the sick feeling of self-hatred caused him to lose his balance. He was usually never sick, but at those times he felt lifeless, powerless to do anything.

Sometimes, he wondered if his friends were the problem.

But then, he thought to himself that his friends probably didn't mean to make him feel hurt, besides Jeonghan maybe, so they could not be blamed either.

When his mind supplied the seemingly useful tip "talk to your friends about it", Jun refused to do so. He didn't want to seem pathetic, unable to take a joke, and weak to his friends, even if he knew at least Joshua would seriously listen to him. He didn't want his friends to speak carefully around him because something might upset him. He just wished he could be stronger, so he wouldn't take everything as seriously, so he could just take a joke instead of feeling the sting.

He guessed everything had a limit.

He guessed everything had to stop someday, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of taken from real life experiences, but I guess not as much of an ambiguous ending irl. I just feel sad sometimes I'm sorry. This was written without looking back to check for any mistakes, so I apologize.


End file.
